[ Funny ] Little Jokes

Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference.
At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought
only one ticket between them.
How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked a lawyer.
Wait and watch, answered one of the engineers.
When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the thre e
engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them.
Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet
door and asked, Ticket please. The door opened just a crack and a single
arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved
on.
Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.
So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their
astonishment, the engineers didn't buy any.
How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers.
Wait and watch, answered an engineer.
In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers
into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out
of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.
He knocked on the door and said, Ticket, please.

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Maid: What do you want, sir?
Visitor: I want to see your master.
Maid: What's your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill...
Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...
Visitor: Which I have to pay him...
Maid: And he returned this morning.

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A patient complains to a famous psychologist:
- Professor, I've been having terrible obsessions for years, and no one has ever been able to help me.
- Who's been treating you until now?
- Dr. John
- I see. He's an idiot. I'm curious to know what he advised you to do.
- To come and see you.

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- I'm very sorry to learn that your wife ran away with your driver, said the
friend to the old man.
- Oh, don't worry, I can drive.

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Arather inebriated fellow on a bus was tearing up a newspaper into tiny
pieces and throwing them out the window.
- Excuse me, said the woman sitting next to him. But, would you mind
explaining why you're doing this?
- It scares away the elephants, replied the drunk.
- But I don't see any elephants around here, said the woman.
- Effective, isn't it? crowed the drunk.

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Michael was saying her bedtime prayers:
- Please God, make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy.....
- Why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy? Michael's mother
asked.
- And Michael replied: Because, that is what I put in my Geography exam!

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- What made you marry Daddy, Mummy?
- So you're beginning to wonder, too!

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- My father wants me to have everything he did not have when he was a
boy.
- What didn't he have?
- All "A"s on his report card.

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Mother : I sent my little boy for one kilo of plums and you only sent 800 grams.
Grocer : My scales are all right, madam. Have you weighed your little boy?

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- How's your husband,? Mrs. Arthur asked her friend.
- Pretty well, I think - he works so hard I see him for only about an hour each day.
- You poor thing, said Mrs. Arthur.
- Oh, It's all right, the hour soon passes.

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A salesman was dismissed because he was rude to a customer. A month
later the sales manager spotted him walking about in a police uniform.
- I see you've joined the force, John, said the sales manager.
- Yes, Sir. This is the job I've been looking for all my life. Here the customer
is always wrong.

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Judge: The last time I saw you, I told you that I didn't want to see you here
again.
Accused: That is what I tried to tell these policemen, your Honour, but they
would not believe me.

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- What is your age? asked the Judge. Remember you are under oath.
- Twenty-one years and some months, the woman answered.
- How many months? the Judge persisted.
- One hundred and eight.

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- Hey, the tourist said to the mountaineer, Your son just threw a rock at me as I passed by.
- Did it hit you?
- No.
- Then it wasn't my son.

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Chemistry Teacher: " Can you give me the formula for water?"
Student: " H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O "
Chemistry Teacher: "Where did you get an idea like that?"
Student: "You told us the other day it was H to O"

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Father: "Would you still love my daughter even if she were poor?"
Suitor: "Of course."
Father: "You're no good. We don't want fools in our family."

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Doctor: "Nurse! Did you take this patient's temperature?"
Nurse: "Why, doctor? Is it missing?"

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Teacher: "Mavis, can you tell me which month is the shortest?"
Mavis: "It's May, miss."
Teacher: "No, it isn't. The shortest month is February."
Mavis: "But, miss, February has eight letters in it while May only has three!"